How to turn a divorce into the beginning of a new life

In our minds, the idea that divorce is a great tragedy for the family is firmly fixed. If the spouses divorced, it means “they could not keep the hearth”.

The reason why a divorce can and should become the beginning of a new life, says a psychologist Roman Talanov.

Meanwhile, not all cases of divorce can be considered evil and even just an undesirable phenomenon. Today more than half of marriages end in divorces already in the first years after the wedding. And this is not surprising. Today it is an emotional comfort and intimate compatibility that are the basis of family relations, pushing aside the previous most important functions of marriage – the birth of children and the management of joint farming.

But love, it happens, quickly passes. In the family contradictions begin, mutual reproaches, quarrels, scandals, the spouses have intrigues on the side or even quite a serious relationship.

In addition, after the wedding and especially after the birth of children, the spouses begin to “manifest” in all their glory. On the surface come out genuine qualities that the loving second half could not have noticed before. This applies to both husband and wife. At some point, a “crack” begins to grow between the spouses, which often ends with a nearly complete “fault”. Love grows into indifference and even into hatred or contempt.

In such a situation, divorce is an acceptable and sometimes the only way out.

The more self-sufficient and self-confident is a person (both man and woman), the less he fears divorce.

Save the family from the last forces, tolerating with betrayals and violence, with frank misunderstanding and disdain, people who are not confident in their own strength, in their attractiveness to the opposite sex, are trying to find that they can not find a new partner for themselves.

In fact, often the repeated relationships that come after the divorce, are much more harmonious and happier than the previous ones.

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Having received a bad experience in their first marriage, yesterday’s spouses already know what they want, and they are looking for a new partner, applying more precise criteria.

Of course, not all cases of divorce is painless, especially if the decision to divorce was taken by one spouse, while the second suited everything and he continued to love his partner. Leaving a husband or wife can be a real tragedy, which is very difficult to endure. In some cases, even the death of a loved one is easier to survive, since the withdrawal of a loved one to another partner is perceived as a betrayal.

Yesterday’s spouses are in an unequal situation. While one who finds a new love, enjoys life and gets everything he wanted, the other husband can not find a place for himself from grief.

What to do?

• First, immediately occupy yourself to the maximum – find a job or even a second job, attend a gym, come up with some kind of hobby or socially useful thing. The less time you have, the less often you will return to the sad thoughts about your departed spouse, the reasons for what happened.

• Secondly, it is necessary “to start life from scratch”. In some cases, it suffices to confine oneself to removing all photos and items reminiscent of an ex-spouse. In another, more difficult situation, only a complete change of the situation will help, up to moving to another apartment or even to another city.

However, this is still a very radical method. Most couples, divorced, remain in the same city.

The main thing in the situation of divorce is not to concentrate on the past.

As the well-known proverb says, “If from you the wife went to another, it is not known who was lucky”. And indeed it is.

Divorce can be the starting point for a new, much more worthy and happier life than before.


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