How to Stop Judging

Whether it is a fatal desire for perfection, a chronically bad mood or a love of attacking other reasonable (and unreasonable) forms of life, many people share a common misfortune – a painful desire to condemn. For some, this pleasure, others understand the viciousness of what is happening (but cannot always resist), most of the “patients” do everything unconsciously, never asking unnecessary questions. What is this psychotropic attack?

The essence of the phenomenon

Assessments and judgments about the world around us are an integral part of human consciousness. Without a critical assessment of reality, it is impossible to survive. But the consciousness does not regret to dwell only on the most important things – it continues to work constantly, evaluates everything around, and condemns. It happens around us all the time. The announcers in the TV indignantly talk about the intrigues of the capitalist countries. Evil gossip densely flowing along the corridors of organizations. And even the most charming, educated person, no, no, yes, scolds someone with an unexpected passion. To condemn is natural and even fun, it is an inevitable part of life, both personal and social. Everything is good and safe, as long as you keep a sense of proportion, but it’s worth it to let you down – they start problems. The first is to express a peculiar aura of alienation. The people around are cool to people with an overabundance of negativity and criticism in behavior, even if gloomy manifestations do not affect them directly. Bad mood is transmitted – from the source will want to move away. Your negative comments will inevitably lead to increased quarrels and constantly spoiling all available relationships. A thirst for condemnation, if people with similar inclinations meet, will lead to the formation of a “circle of gossips”. Nobody likes them.

The second is much more serious because it will settle in your head. Excessive craving for condemnation at the same time nourishes the dark corners of your consciousness and is reinforced by them. Fear, envy, hatred, make their bearers condemn. A vicious circle will form, eternally hungry until new outbursts of negativity and destroying the life of its “carrier.” In addition, you risk and health – you can feel bad and broken. Found out something familiar? Take countermeasures.

Cosmetic repair of behavior

The brains of most people are not saturated with such a black gloom of evil. Simply their languages willfully say a lot of superfluous. Are you one of them? Luck is on your side, the case is not at all heavy.

You need to train only in one – keeping the treacherous language in the conclusion behind your teeth. To begin with, practice the lightest situations, annoying you minimally. Try not to say anything negative and to avoid other signs of indignation (sighs, glances, characteristic facial expressions, unfriendly manipulations with objects). Mentally calm yourself, forgive others minor misdemeanors (give them a chance!), Do not be angry with things that change is not in your power. When little things stop annoying you, learn to keep balance in more serious cases. Gradually, without breaking your “vow of silence” you will begin to wean (namely!) From the addiction.

To endure it is absolutely impossible? Happens. In such cases, try to speak thinly, elegantly, replace the ramming blob of the negative with irony, sarcasm or, if it fits into your image, with black humor. It is possible that as long as you think, the thought, without finding a worthy exit, will die.

Do not forget to follow not only the speech, but also the text. You will hardly achieve the result, if in life, be silent in the least, and in your favorite social network terrorize acquaintances with terrible messages and comments. Such self-treatment will not make you a saint, but the ability to control oneself is an extremely valuable and useful experience.

Work by yourself

Discovered the neglected problems? Do not despair. Willpower will allow you to change for the better. But do not expect anything simple. You will need to not only carefully follow the instructions from the “Cosmetic Behavior Repair”, but go further. Think hard. Find in the depths of your consciousness the source of the devastating misfortune. Digging is in the darkest corners of your past. Ruthlessly, go over your unfulfilled dreams, unflagging grievances and all things that shocked you hard. Most likely, the reason for your bad, critical attitude is hidden somewhere there.

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Examine the sorrow of past years with a penetrating gaze. They wanted to be a basketball player, but they only grew up to a meter and a half? No problem! But you are easier to choose clothes and fit in tight spaces. Too little money? Everyone has a chance. Find people with suitcases with currency in the dumps! Are all princes average and completely without horses? Apparently, the most chic somewhere lingered, but will soon arrive. In other words, give a lurking frenzy inside a despondency.

Then look for success in your life (big, small, or even future – it does not matter) and in every way tune yourself to increase self-esteem. Do something, for which you will receive the praise of your subconscious and, most importantly, those around you. And the more good and necessary you will feel yourself, the less you will want to condemn. The very need disappears.

The black cloud, which does not give you a sweet life, hides in the future? Are you tormented by the ghost of old age? Sandpaper thought that career growth is over, and not having begun? The coming end of studies and the failure of uncertainty are on? Other equally bitter truths that have risen on the horizon? Think of something. Comforting. Or act boldly, raking up garbage heaps of fate on the way to a better tomorrow. Condemnation of the living and lifeless within a radius of 100 kilometers, you just do not help yourself.

By malicious irony in some people the problem is not in a low, but too inflated self-esteem. If you are one of these heroes, try to tame your pride, comforting her with sweet thoughts. It’s not necessary to shoot the royal crown! You simply can become a good king (queen) and do not abuse unreasonable smerds, but show mercy to them, warm them in the radioactive rays of your greatness.

Finally, take a look at your circle of friends. It is not excluded that those around you are detrimental to you, dragging you into gossip, thereby encouraging the darker sides of your consciousness. Try to spend less time with them, and if this is not possible, review the format of the behavior with such people. Naturally, a strong-willed effort must stop and generate gossip, even innocuous ones. Work on yourself can take a long time. Nut in front of you hard.

Hike to a psychologist

Are you absolutely sure that you will not be able to cure yourself? Go to a psychologist. These ubiquitous plumbing mental spaces, of course, are perfectly familiar with such a problem as the “obsessive pathological craving for condemnation.” They will gladly try to help you, it is only necessary to make an appointment. What is waiting for you? You are more or less accessible and convincing (depending on the specialist chosen) to explain how your negative view of reality poisons your own existence and leads to a dead end. And this will be the perfect truth, which, however, it is difficult to understand and apply independently. Having determined the degree (sad shades) of your problems, the psychologist will offer you some way, “course of treatment.” And here you must understand the main thing – you will be offered an opportunity, not a pill. But it will still be your inner work, effort. There is no magic in the cabinets of psychologists. Harm from communication with a psychologist will not be (except that financial costs), and the benefits are quite possible. In addition, such an adventure is always curious, you will learn a lot about yourself.

Religion and mysterious practices

Religion was the main spiritual food and medicine of mankind for thousands of years, and its ministers easily replaced psychologists.

Christianity, Islam, Judaism, unequivocally warn believers of the condemnation of their neighbors. The right to this is only the supreme, and the mortal, illegally appropriating it, brings to himself many misfortunes, preventing the creation of righteous relations with others and God. You can go deep into reading spiritual literature or turn to the priest for the answers and explanations you need. Unfortunately, most modern people are not that strong in faith. But if you are a happy exception – it will definitely help you.

World religions do not give you an answer? The globe is full of other ways of reaching spiritual heights. Mystical and mysterious. For example, you can do yoga – it, according to the adepts, brings perfection not only to the body, but to the mind. Having reached enlightenment, you are guaranteed to get rid of such a petty, bustling thing as the need to discuss someone.

The main thing in the spiritual quest is not to get on a slippery path, where Siberian sorceresses will lie in wait for you, psychics and even worse, sectarians.


Living in a modern, evil world, it is difficult not to snap at reality, not to give a blind surrender of reality, tormenting endless problems. But if you feel that such attacks of negativity in your life are happening more often, and you are weaker controlling them, turning into a vicious necessity, beat internal anxiety, fight. At stake is good weather in your soul and the way others will see you.


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